Sunday 8 June 2008

singledom 1

I doubt if you have stopped to wonder why "singledom 1" . In case you have, it's easy: there's more than can possibly be said in one blog. It seemed a good idea to start tackling it to-day, though, because a columnist in the paper, yesterday, asked for readers' views on the subject. Since there was a real possibilty that she would end up feeling really sorry she had asked if it were I who complied, I thought I would keep my observations to myself - and to you, of course.

Where to start? The Airport would be a good place. In these days of high security nothing can be left unattended anywhere. Take the need for a Pit Stop. Now, a coat, an overnight bag a stick and a sizeable handbag have, therefore, all to be fitted in along with your good single self in a cubicle designed for someone the size of a slender man (or woman) with a wife (or husband) sitting in the concourse keeping her (or his) eye on all your bits and pieces. Don't even think of putting it on a trolley. Get the picture? I do not joke when I say that I have to plan my travelling equipment with due consideration for whether it will fit in to the lavatory or not. Similarly, on arrival; going to the Ladies before your baggage arrives whether you need to or not, means that you wont have your coat, your overnight bag, your stick and your sizeable handbag AND your checked-in bag to deal with when the urgent need to go develops just when you pull the bag off the carousel, as, according to Sod's Law, it surely will.

When I imply I pull the bag off the carousel, myself, I lie. I position myself next to what looks like some rugby-playing youngster, reach out lamely - a second or two too late - squeek "oh Dear" with a careful measure of despair and helplessness as my bag rolls insouciently passed and wait for the "let me do that for you" which, thank God, almost always follows. If it doesnt, I just have to change rugby-players and try again on the next circuit. For the use of a trolley in those circumstances, see above. (It gives me great pleasure to write "see above". One of the difficulties for me,actual age 75 etc., writing in cyberspace, is that all that went before is now below. After seven decades of writing "see above, " or "all of the above" , I have to think in terms of "see below", or "all of the below". The world has been stood on it's head: there is no more room for doubt.)
Travelling with a companion is, thus, such a joy that it's tempting to hire one: " wanted, strong and vigilant male person to navigate dotty old lady through airport hassle while she admires your behind. Rugby player preferred but quiet old gentleman would do. Forget the behind." Dont get hurt in the rush. (That ad now looks border-line sexist but I'm not really so impressed by female behinds.)
Sod's Law next time - did you think I had assumed you understood?

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